I caught a glimpse last night of a TV drama based on the behind the scenes goings on in government as Margaret Thatcher came to power. An interesting concept, but made totally implausible to me as Thatch herself was played by the beautiful Lindsay Duncan. How utterly unbelievable that made it for me – I just couldn’t take any of it seriously.
Now if she had been played by an out of work, ageing, donkey’s arse, I could have stuck it out until the end.
I have given up counting the ridiculous quantities of fart, belch and puke applications appearing in the iTunes appstore. There are just far too many of them to keep up with. However, there is an amusing bit of news in connection with these high-brow confections.
The makers of the ever popular iFart, it seems, are suing the makers (called Air-O-Matic!) of a rival application called ‘Pull my finger’ , as they claim their application used the term first. So the US legal system is swinging into full flight to decide whether the use of the phrase ‘Pull my finger’ is a possible copyright violation.
Nonsense begets nonsense.
Keeping in the same area as the previous post, the Daily Telegraph today has a report stating that a line of the devil’s dandruff is now cheaper than a pint of lager.
So next time you are getting a round in, it may be worth double-checking with the lager drinkers that they wouldn’t prefer a line of Charlie instead. You could save quite a few quid over the session.
Is this the government’s long-term plan for getting us all off alcohol??
Cheers! …snort!
Some of us may remember the cold war, when Russia was seen as a tyrant state, spying on its own citizens, tracking people’s movements and reading their mail. Remind you of anywhere? Yes, we are now living in a state that is inspired by cold war Russia. We have the highest number of surveillance (CCTV) cameras per head than any other country. And the madness doesn’t stop there – take drug law for example.
It wasn’t that long ago that cannabis was downgraded from a class B to a class C drug, a move welcomed by the police and many other institutions, including the Courts. This move appeared to work well, to the extent that the number of people using cannabis in the UK actually went down. So the government should be trumpeting their success, pointing out the validity of their decision.
Are they hell! Jacqui Smith, despite the above statistic and advice from all the top scientists, doctors, police etc. for some strange reason, has upgraded cannabis to a class B drug again. Is she on drugs!?
Ecstacy. The Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs has recently issued a report on the actual harm caused by ecstasy. They suggested moving it from class A (like heroin and cocaine) to class B. Of course, the government have just ignored this and refused to consider it.
A lot of the blame for this sort of nonsense falls at the feet of the gutter press – whipping up frenzies of unresearched and insupportable paranoia about any drug death concerned with a class A or B drug. They don’t bother reporting every death from alcohol, or paracetamol, but you can be sure that EVERY death attributed to ecstasy will be reported.
The truth of the matter is that there have been an amazingly low number of deaths from ecstasy, so why is it an offence that can net you up to seven years in prison to be found in possession of, or using it?
If we extrapolate this logic into other areas of everyday life, what other restraints might the government put on its citizens? Nigel Inkster, who was an MI6 officer from 1975 to 2006, has recently said in a presentation about counter-terrorism, trying to put terrorism into context – “For example, every year in the UK, more people die in road accidents than have been killed by terrorists in all of recorded history.”
So listen up Jacqui, look at that statement and think about what it really says. You could put ecstasy in smartie packs and in many, many years it may cause a tiny number of deaths. However, the motor car is killing our citizens in their thousands every year!! It’s time something was done about this. How about a 10 year sentence for anyone caught with a set of car keys, 15 years for someone caught entering a vehicle, and 20 to life for anyone who starts the bloody engine?
Take these killers off our roads now!
Interesting that the website of that noble and upstanding journal, that backbone of Britain that is the Daily Mail, today has stories on Jade Goody not wanting to die, Katie Holmes getting thinner whilst the waistlines of ‘celebrity slimmers’ apparently ‘yoyo’ and boys as young as TEN (sic) are caught roasting live puppies over an open fire.
So what else is happening in the World? Well Gordon Brown accidentally mentioned the word ‘depression’!, Kelly Brook was caught in trainers with no make up! and Amanda Holden braved the chill with plunging neckline ‘plunging faster than the icy temperatures’. So far, no surprises there. What IS surprising perhaps, is that there is no mention at all of a chap called Trevor Hemmings.
Trevor Hemmings is a businessman – owns Blackpool Tower and one of his horses won the 2005 Grand National. He is also big in slot machines. Turns out that 4 companies owned by him, donated between them the princely sum of £200,000 to the Conservative Party last year. The strange thing is, it was just after they had called for softer rules on arcade gambling. Hmmm, now there’s a coincidence. Seems to me there is definite whiff of fish in the air on reading that, but obviously not to the Daily Mail. Wonder why?
Perhaps there was no room left after they had written about the heroic grafter who had walked through 18 miles of snow (for 8 hours) to get to work, or about the Japanese underwear model driving Jenson Button wild.
That’s it Mail – keep the nation informed
First I whinged about the surprising sight of John Lydon (nee Rotten) telling all about some brand of English butter that we should all be covering ourselves in for the cold snap (something like that!) Now, horrified viewers are looking on with horror as Iggy Pop, disporting himself about the TV screen in a carefully choreographed display of wild wackiness, looking like nothing other than a CGI crispy duck, tries to sell us car insurance. Somebody, somewhere, obviously thought that this, in some strange way, was a good idea. I wonder if they still have their job?
What with all this snow stuff that’s been falling, causing half of the UK to down tools and hibernate, I reckon all this strangeness on our TV screens may be caused by global warming. You read it here first
Whatever next? … A holocaust-denying Catholic Bishop??
…You’re kidding me!? 
That fellow David Camer… errr… whatsisname? You know, leader of the Tory Party, the one who looks like a ventriloquist’s dummy (the question begs… who’s got their hand in there?) has just put forward the brilliant idea that if we ever want to dig ourselves out of this recession, the country’s maths has to get better, and who better to lead this campaign than Carol Vorderman? That stylish, beautiful, intelligent woman, a perfect combination of tits and tangents, beloved by the nation, to lead us into the new enlightenment?? Yes, Carol is going to come up with some ideas to get our kids counting again.
That sad man will do anything to get publicity and doesn’t seem very bright, which only strengthens the ventiloquist’s dummy theory. At a time like this, with the country rapidly swirling around the bowl, in plain sight of the s-bend, with the government being blamed for everything from financial crises to pot holes, the extinction of species, the kicking of cute puppys and why telly is so boring, doesn’t he realise that all he has to do is wait. He can just sit by his pool at the club, sipping martinis. The idiots in this country will elect him without him opening his mouth.
Here’s some other suggestions: The British male has lost his reputation for being a dapper dresser and a gentleman. Can I suggesth a think-tank led by Chris Eubank may be the answer? And what with this awful recession and the impending collapse of civilisation, we could do worse than get Ray Mears to put together a compulsory survival challenge for every man-jack of us. How about getting Delia Smith to devise food that can be cooked safely whilst living in a cardboard box? There’ s just so much that could be done…
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