That fellow David Camer… errr… whatsisname? You know, leader of the Tory Party, the one who looks like a ventriloquist’s dummy (the question begs… who’s got their hand in there?) has just put forward the brilliant 
idea that if we ever want to dig ourselves out of this recession, the country’s maths has to get better, and who better to lead this campaign than Carol Vorderman? That stylish, beautiful, intelligent woman, a perfect combination of tits and tangents, beloved by the nation, to lead us into the new enlightenment?? Yes, Carol is going to come up with some ideas to get our kids counting again.
That sad man will do anything to get publicity and doesn’t seem very bright, which only strengthens the ventiloquist’s dummy theory. At a time like this, with the country rapidly swirling around the bowl, in plain sight of the s-bend, with the government being blamed for everything from financial crises to pot holes, the extinction of species, the kicking of cute puppys and why telly is so boring, doesn’t he realise that all he has to do is wait. He can just sit by his pool at the club, sipping martinis. The idiots in this country will elect him without him opening his mouth.
Here’s some other suggestions: The British male has lost his reputation for being a dapper dresser and a gentleman. Can I suggesth a think-tank led by Chris Eubank may be the answer? And what with this awful recession and the impending collapse of civilisation, we could do worse than get Ray Mears to put together a compulsory survival challenge for every man-jack of us. How about getting Delia Smith to devise food that can be cooked safely whilst living in a cardboard box? There’ s just so much that could be done…
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