Celebrities and their wild and highly entertaining antics have been sadly missing from the ‘press’ this weekend. This is due to the life threatening arrival of swine flu. 11 people have already died in Mexico and a London man was heard sneezing loudly only this weekend. It is feared that the 21 deaths in Mexico could be the start of a similar scenario right here in Great Britain.
We must all be vigilant to prevent this scenario from occurring. Wearing masks whenever in contact with other people and not eating any pork based foodstuffs will go some way toward preventing a repeat in this country of the 46 deaths already reported in Mexico.
If any of your colleagues display any signs of the illness, sneezing, coughing, sniffing, nose-blowing, or if they just look a bit tired (you can’t be too careful) lock them in a cupboard immediately and call the emergency services. We do not want to see a repeat of the 250 deaths that we have seen in Mexico.
So stay warm, button up your cardies, wear your masks, stay away from bacon and be alert. We can all be a part of the effort to keep this menace from our shores and prevent the situation that the outbreak caused in Mexico where there are only 7 people left alive.
Gotta go, just had a job offer from the Daily Mail – health correspondent… 
It is the end of days! Just like in SURVIVORS! Panic Panic!
I just sneezed – you aint seen me right!
AA…. AA…. ….CHOOOOOO!! You b@st@rd!
I’m scared of even using this damn computer with all the talk of viruses around, I’m wearing gloves to type, well they’re not gloves exactly, they’re novelty King Kong hands. It’s all I could find to protect from myself from the evil pandemic.
I heard that quarter of a million people a year die from regular flu, but this “swine flu” thingy seems far more worrying. Thanks to your brilliant reporting above I now know when the say “swine” they mean as in even-toed ungulates and not “terrible chap” as I first thought. And….I have to ask why are we talking advice from Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend? what on God’s green earth do those fools from The Who know about alert levels for flu. I’ve a good mind to write to the Daily Mail, but they told me it’s too dangerous to lick stamps in case they were printed in Mexico. HELP!!!
ROFL – Absolutely priceless!!