Apple iPhone 4 bumper

Well, I’ve received my free Apple iPhone 4 bumper. Slipped it on and decided that my phone was no longer beautiful. Call me sad, but I have removed it. Who cares if my phone can make calls or not?

Let’s all cheer the ‘Big Society’

The ‘Condemned’ party are now cosily snuggled into their nice, shiny, new government. Very interesting to see a coalition government in place and I guess it could have been a good thing. However, the Liberal Democrats contribution seems to consist of abandoning 95% of the policies they campaigned with. Guess which party will not do well in the next general election?

But there are some fantastic, money saving ideas being put forward to help us all out of the recession pit dug by greedy, gambling bankers using our money (most of whom are probably funding our current government). The very pinnacle of these ideas is the ‘Big Society’. This revolutionary idea is turning out to be the one that will save us all. It seems to consist of getting rid of a whole load of jobs, saving pots of money for us poor recession bound punters, and at the same time, asking us to volunteer to do the jobs that have been axed and lost, purely out of love for the ‘Big Society’.

It’s genius, and the latest idea is that we have citizen volunteers to boost the police force. So the government is basically saying – ‘Anything we can’t afford cause we have to fund the things that matter, like Trident n that, we will get volunteers to do!’ Brilliant! After all, why spend money training a police force to cope with crime, when you can send out clueless volunteers, fed on a diet of shit revenge movies and the Daily Mail.

To be honest, they are not thinking widely enough. How about this for an idea? Our prisons are terribly overcrowded and they cost a feckin fortune. Why don’t we release the majority of prisoners in our jails and press gang them into the police force? The experienced crims in there know more about crime than Hercule Fuckin’ Poirot. The country would save so much money that we could probably all get monthly bonuses. We wouldn’t be able to leave our houses, cause the rozzers would be straight in, emptying our valuables into the back of a panda car. But the fact that our protectors were liable to swipe anything decent we purchased could stop our rampant consumption and return us to a previous era where we mend things again and again. Ah the good ole days – powdered eggs, dodgy nylons, sock darning and nights spent sleeping in the underground.

And while we’re at it… Why not scrap the expensive army and send all the unemployed out to Afghanistan and Iraq as volunteers?… Bloody hell, this ‘Big Society’ is a work of genius!!